i had one boyfriend in high school. ONE. we broke up after a little while…didn’t date anyone for 4 years, then met this guy and married him shortly after. well, that was dumb. that ended, and i felt doomed to be forever alone. 4 years after that ended, i never dated a single person. i was really woebegone. it’s not that i didn’t want to. of course i did. problem was, i didn’t know how. i know i may not be super gorgeous in terms of what magazines say, but i know i am beautiful in my own unconventional way. i know i am charming, funny, witty, and sassy…so why weren’t all the desirable men lining up around the block??? i still don’t know.
i started at a new job a little while ago, where i met a gal who has become one of my best friends. whenever we go out to parties together, she always seems to snag the guy she’s been eyeing the whole night, and the night report would tell me that she had made out with said guy, numerous times. she is just like me, not remarkably beautiful, but also funny, witty and sassy. i guess that’s why we were a good match for one another. as much as i did feel a little bit like she was a little too frisky and possibly a little too easy at parties, there was that pang of jealousy mixed with incredulity at how she managed to do this each time without fail. i then noticed that while she talked to these potential suitors, she always leaned in close to talk to them, and while laughing at all the right moments, touched their arm or shoulder. that’s all i could observe on the surface.
about a month ago, an old school-mate asked me to hang out with her. she told me her ex was coming to hang for a bit, and was also bringing a friend. she said she’d never met her ex’s friend, but if i wanted, she would “hook me up with him”. i vehemently said no. i mean, no one likes being fixed up with someone that was a total unknown. blind dates were the stuff of nightmares in my mind, and these situations usually were awkward and strange. that’s probably why i don’t date. that is, until i laid eyes on him. what a beautiful, beautiful specimen. after hanging out that night, i found out he was a really neat guy. i decided i needed to make out with this boy, pronto. need i remind you, i have no experience in picking up guys, and not really much of any dating expertise in general. what did i learn from my gf? lean in close while talking, and touch their arm excessively. as dubious as i felt about the whole thing, i decided to employ the only knowledge i had. luckily, we eventually ended up at a club that had great music to dance to. after having warmed up to him, we commenced the dancing, and then, Houston, we made contact. i got the kiss i was waiting for. didn’t realize how much inexplicable joy i i would get as a result. so many emotions were running through my head. the fact that what i picked up from my friend actually worked, and that i was making out with this beautiful and intelligent man…well, mission accomplished. well-played.